As the ever criticized 1st term of Mayor Bill DeBlasio comes to an end, most people can agree that winning a second term is a pretty far reach. He is going to run, but I wouldn’t imagine he is going to have much support. He has scorched any relationship the mayors office had with the NYPD. He has spent millions and millions of dollars trying to solve the homeless problem to little avail and worst of all, he has been actively trying to clothe the topless “artists” in time square that bring so much joy and fulfillment to tourists that come from around the world.
Time’s up Billy, its time to hit the bricks. You can take away our guns, but you can’t take away our titties. Time is ticking on the 2017 mayoral race for New York City and I’m throwing my weight behind the one and only Bo Dietl. I wrote a similar version of this when Police Commissioner Bratton was fired and thought that Bo may try to replace him. Well now that he is running for mayor, there has been MUCH more Bo in the news. Officially declaring he will run was step one. Step two was coming up with a witty nick name for his opponent #BigBird
And step three was challenging him to a push up contest at 6 am while in a full suit.
The biggest thing I care about with my elected officials is their personality, and I know I’m not the only one. During any election, the sub-conscious ” way you feel” about a candidate is usually made up of things that have nothing to do with their stance on any issues. It’s usually the way they dress, how many push ups they can do or how big there hands are. Menial crap, yet so important to the general public. I feel like the The way you carry yourself on TV and in press conferences is 99 percent of the job.
Who cares how the mayor handles the budget. Who cares how he addresses serious issues like homelessness, or the 60 some odd pedestrians who get killed by cars every year, or protecting the centuries old infrastructure of a peninsula that will probably be under water in 25 years. That stuff can wait. For now we need a take-no-shit dude to keep Gotham at the top of the food chain. We need Bo.
For those of you who don’t know Bo:
Aside from stuffing his face in Arby’s commercials Bo used to be a NYPD detective and now does consulting/acting/private investigation/blue shield activismbut that’s neither here nor there. Here are the important things that make up his resume:
- His name is Bo. You never fuck with a guy named Bo, just ask Brian Bosworth
- He kept Jordan Belfort in line. If you can do that, you can handle any of the other 8 million New Yorkers
- He once told Warren Buffet to go fuck himself over a plate of meatballs. Not really, but actually sort of a true story. If you don’t know anything about Rao’s, its historically the hardest restaurant to eat in. For decades, the 10 table restaurant sells its tables to the elite socialites of the world, and they are owned for eternity. Even if you die, you pass on your table to your family. The only way you can eat there is if a table owner lets you use it for a night. Very exclusive. Well our boy Bo OWNS a table a Rao’s and has even told the elite 1 percent to go take a hike when they want to borrow the table.
If you can’t get behind a guy who is elegant enough to dine where they plucked half the mobster “extras” in Goodfellas, yet also tells wet blanket Buffett to go grab some Sbarro down the street, then enjoy the dump in your pants and say goodbye to the boobies.