My Official Endorsement for Bo Dietl as Mayor of New York City

As the ever criticized 1st term of Mayor Bill DeBlasio comes to an end, most people can agree that winning a second term is a pretty far reach. He is going to run, but I wouldn’t imagine he is going to have much support.  He has scorched any relationship the mayors office had with the NYPD. He has spent millions and millions of dollars trying to solve the homeless problem to little avail and worst of all, he has been actively trying to clothe the topless “artists” in time square that bring so much joy and fulfillment to tourists that come from around the world.

Time’s up Billy, its time to hit the bricks. You can take away our guns, but you can’t take away our titties.  Time is ticking on the 2017 mayoral race for New York City and I’m throwing my weight behind the one and only Bo Dietl. I wrote a similar version of this when Police Commissioner Bratton was fired and thought that Bo may try to replace him. Well now that he is running for mayor, there has been MUCH more Bo in the news. Officially declaring he will run was step one. Step two was coming up with a witty nick name for his opponent #BigBird

And step three was challenging him to a push up contest at 6 am while in a full suit.

   

 

The biggest thing I care about with my elected officials is their personality, and I know I’m not the only one. During any election, the sub-conscious ” way you feel” about a candidate is usually made up of things that have nothing to do with their stance on any issues. It’s usually the way they dress, how many push ups they can do or how big there hands are. Menial crap, yet so important to the general public. I feel like the The way you carry yourself on TV and in press conferences is 99 percent of the job.

Who cares how the mayor handles the budget. Who cares how he addresses serious issues like homelessness, or the 60 some odd pedestrians who get killed by cars every year, or protecting the centuries old infrastructure of a peninsula that will probably be under water in 25 years. That stuff can wait. For now we need a take-no-shit dude to keep Gotham at the top of the food chain. We need Bo.

For those of you who don’t know Bo:

Aside from stuffing his face in Arby’s commercials Bo used to be a NYPD detective and now does consulting/acting/private investigation/blue shield activismbut that’s neither here nor there. Here are the important things that make up his resume:

  • His name is Bo. You never fuck with a guy named Bo, just ask Brian Bosworth
  • He kept Jordan Belfort in line. If you can do that, you can handle any of the other 8 million New Yorkers
  • He once told Warren Buffet to go fuck himself over a plate of meatballs. Not really, but actually sort of a true story. If you don’t know anything about Rao’s, its historically the hardest restaurant to eat in. For decades, the 10 table restaurant sells its tables to the elite socialites of the world, and they are owned for eternity. Even if you die, you pass on your table to your family. The only way you can eat there is if a table owner lets you use it for a night. Very exclusive. Well our boy Bo OWNS a table a Rao’s and has even told the elite 1 percent to go take a hike when they want to borrow the table.

If you can’t get behind a guy who is elegant enough to dine where they plucked half the mobster “extras” in Goodfellas, yet also tells wet blanket Buffett to go grab some Sbarro down the street, then enjoy the dump in your pants and say goodbye to the boobies.

Sorry lady, but Clark Kent wasn’t a vegan.

New York Post

The 28-year-old restaurant consultant wants to “veganize” every restaurant in New York City, and she’s setting her sights on Bleecker Street. The fact that the Greenwich Village stretch is home to meaty mainstays like JG Melon, Faicco’s and Murray’s Cheese Shop doesn’t deter her.

“I want the whole street to be a vegan mecca,” says the Hoboken, NJ, resident and adamant vegan of 10 years. “Like, the Great White Way is where all the Broadway shows are — I want this to be the Great Vegan Way.”

Adami launched her company, Veganizer, in 2015 with the goal of converting restaurants all over the city to a menu in which half the options are meat- and dairy-free. She has also convinced several restaurants around the city to hold vegan pop-up nights, including Pagani, on Bleecker Street. This year, she’s decided to focus her efforts on Bleecker because the thoroughfare is home to a location of the constantly packed vegan restaurant and bakery By Chloe (185 Bleecker St.). She believes that when restaurant owners see By Chloe’s success, they’ll want to replicate it with similarly plant-based options.

“I have no doubt in my mind that the seed has been planted,” says Adami, who hasn’t eaten animal products in a decade and gave up wearing leather six years ago.

But most restaurateurs on her target block highly doubt she’ll be able to get a hand on their meatballs.

“We’ve been open for 40 years, and people come from all over to have the paella,” says Cafe Español owner Irene Becerril. “We cannot change the menu.”

Restaurantgoers on the street are similarly protective of the dishes they know and love. For Money Sealy, it’s her favorite 50-cent wings at dive bar Wicked Willy’s (149 Bleecker St.).

“To turn a whole street vegan is absurd,” says Sealy, a 27-year-old Upper West Sider. “Variety is what makes the Village.”

Adami, a former cruise director, broke into the restaurant business working at GustOrganics, a Greenwich Village restaurant about 10 blocks north of Bleecker. When it opened in 2008, Gust catered to the paleo crowd — those who eat only meat, nuts, vegetables and seeds. Adami started working there as a waitress in 2010, then stepped in as a manager and turned the menu entirely vegan in 2015.

“I started to feel guilty, knowing that I was paying my rent from a company that was not really in line with sustainability,” she says.Romagna now offers a vegan bolognese dish.

The restaurant’s paleo regulars revolted. Hate mail and bad Yelp reviews poured in, and the eatery’s investors sued the restaurant for alienating its original clientele.

“This is a case of imposing your own personal views on Gust’s devoted clientele,” one commenter on Yelp wrote.

The lawsuit eventually was dropped, but the legal fees cost Gust and it closed in 2015. At the time, Adami said the restaurant wasn’t profitable, but now she says it was.

While most would take this failure as a sign from the meat gods, Adami ran the other way: “I just said, ‘You know what? Screw you guys — I’m going to veganize another restaurant.’”

And so her crusade began. Adami approaches restaurants with the promise of money, keeping her real intentions hidden at first.

“I don’t even use the word vegan. I talk money, I talk p.r., I talk business and I talk market trends,” she says. “I also wear a really cute outfit when I go to meet the owner … You use whatever tools you have — you flirt, you giggle, you laugh at them.”

Not going get into the long list of things that infuriate me about this woman. Not going to rant about the vegan trend, or the absolute LUNACY in wanting every restaurant to convert half of their menu to vegan. Nor am I going to pick the low hanging fruit and call her a hypocrite for saying she doesn’t use the word “vegan” 4 paragraphs after shes quoted with it. No. It’s all about this lady’s shirt, and the fake news its been spewing all over the village. Sorry Kiki, but Clarke Kent isn’t a vegan.   I don’t know how else to put it . It’s just…. wrong. Like “The earth is flat”, “Evolution doesn’t exist”, and “global warming is a farce” wrong.

What infuriates me the most is how bold face this lie is. Look, I’m not into comic books what so ever. Superhero movies, Marvel, DC… I can take them or leave them.  I just have the pretty basic knowledge that any 27 year old American would have about Superman.  But when I saw that shirt, a little light bulb went off in my head.  It just couldn’t be true. The G.O.A.T in  super hero history, the iconic machismo that has been synonymous with American comics and cinema for the last six or seven decades… is a god-damned vegan? He got faster than a speeding bullet by eating kale and tofu? It just didn’t sit right. It was like when Brent Musberger said he hadn’t gambled on a game since the 70’s or when JR Smith said he has never drank Hennessy. The mind just jumps straight from the reasoning department over to “Nope, no way”. Regardless I said I wasn’t big into superheros so before I delved into the dirty work, I wanted to make sure my intuition was 20/20, and did a quick google search for ” Superman eating meat”.

Exhibit A:

3752117-superman

You see that caption Kiki?  An ARMY’s worth of burgers and hes still going. He’s eating so many hes got a harem of McDonalds hussy’s lined up to keep the supply in stock. According to this comic, Superman has eaten more burgers than anyone in history. Literally the last person you can call a vegan. And I know what your going to say. That’s Superman, not Clark Kent

Exhibit B:

Boom and Boom. Hamburgers for Superman. BEEF Bourguigiwhatever, and a five pound steak for Clark.  Right in your face KiKi. Listen, I don’t mind you feeling passionate about converting the entire world to a cardboard diet. It’s a free country, knock yourself out.  But the second you start slandering the Superman name with this horse hockey, I draw the line.

Rumor is Chris Christie is taking a job at the White House.

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is telling friends and staff he is taking a role with the Trump administration, according to a source close to the White House.

The GOP governor’s position has not been worked out, but he would not replace ­Reince Preibus as the president’s chief of staff, the source said.

“Trump told him to be patient,” the source said. “Christie will only take something where he is answerable to the president.”

Trump told the Wall Street Journal last month that “at some point, we’re going to do something with Chris.” But the White House said it has not offered Christie a position.

Christie spokesman Brian Murray said it was “absolutely untrue” he told staff he would take a role.

“The governor dismissed this type of speculation this past week and said he plans to finish out his term as governor,” he said.

 

A little insight, I am a huge Chris Christie guy. Not really into politics, but I grew up in Jersey and something just warms my heart knowing that my Governor is basically the human embodiment of everything that the great state is – a big fat pile of corrupt steaming garbage.  Well now the time has come for Chris to move on to bigger and brighter things.  Word on the street is that he informed his staff that he will be taking some sort of position in D.C.

Better late than never right Chris? Wrong. If I was Christie, I would rather shove my fupa into extra small baseball pants and play catcher for 9 innings, than take the peanuts left over after Trump carved up the White House.  At some point we are going to do something with Chris?! For god sakes, Donald when are you gonna stop treating this man like a slow leak under your kitchen sink, and just realize that burning bridges is much worse than just closing a lane.

I can’t wait to see what job is thrown at him. Literally drooling to see what route Trump takes here. Does he make him town dog catcher just to set him up in some sort of Presidential purgatory? Makes the guy drag his whole family down and just appoints Chris to be the head of the Presidential Fitness Award just to fuck with  him. Wouldn’t be surprised after all the the reverse expertise formula that POTUS seems to employ so much.

If we are lucky, he gets some job like Food and Beverage Chairman of the White House and goes on a Sam Rothstein overhaul making sure equal amounts of chocolate chips are in each muffin. Just plows over the health initiative Michelle Obama had in place for 8 years, stocks those shelves with M&M’s  and starts unpacking his bags. Guy Fieri hired as White House Chef… water fountains replaced with fruit punch… those types of things. You know,  A role where he can showcase his true talents.

 

Footage of Kim Jong Nam getting assassinated is sneaky terrifying.

The low-quality security camera footage, broadcast by Fuji TV, shows two angles of the attack in which a man, believed to be Kim, is grabbed from behind by a woman in a white top. She appears to put her hands over his face and then swiftly walks away. A second woman is also seen leaving the scene.

Clearer closed-circuit video showed Kim, in a blue shirt and grey jacket, stumbling and wiping his face after the attack, seeking help from airport staff and walking unassisted to the terminal’s medical centre.

The Guardian cannot independently verify the people in the footage, although the location is certainly Kuala Lumpur International airport departures hall, where Malaysian police say the attack took place.

Not in the sense that most assassination videos would be terrifying. This one’s deceptively scary. There’s nothing that one could consider graphic, gruesome, or NSFW about that video. PG killing right there.  There’s no blood, no guns, not even much of a struggle.  THATS whats terrifying. In and out. Boom, boom, boom, like a well-coordinated prison hit right out of Breaking Bad. A quick couple sprays of a mystery substance to the face, and the ninjette Kill Bill assassin is off running while poor Kim starts rapidly connecting the dots in his head.

One minute your all jazzed up about grabbing a Cinn-a-bon and the next thing you know you’re using your last dying breaths to explain you just got assassinated, instead of inhaling some warm cream-cheese icing.

 

Look at this “oh shit” moment. This moment right here.

screen-shot-2017-02-20-at-10-10-52-am

Think about the panic going through this guys head.

-He knows who his crazy brother is.

-It’s no secret that Kim Jong-un wants him dead and has tried to kill him before.

-He knows he has the balls to pull some outrageous stunt like this off.

He’s aware of all of these things and now he’s blatantly getting crop dusted by some mystery mustard gas. Now Nam’s gotta try and get as many words out of his mouth as he can before he hits the cold tile. ” Security! Quick!  Some lady just sprayed me in the face and my brother has always wanted to kill me, she could be working for him, in fact hes Kim Jong Un, and the lady ran that way, and by the way the floor just spun up towards the ceiling, I don’t feel so good annnnnnnnnd im dead”

You know that anxiety you get when your saying something important on the phone and it has 1% battery? And the dismay you feel when it cuts out before you know if the other person heard you or not? Multiply that by a thousand, and that’s what Kim’s working with here. Like I said, terrifying.

 

Sleeping Beauty Syndrome is like hitting the genetic lottery.

Delanie Weyer, 23, has a rare neurological disorder called Kleine-Levin Syndrome, which can leave her sleeping for weeks at a time.Due to the condition, she has missed holidays, family celebrations and even her milestone 21st birthday.

“I sleep anywhere from 15 to 20 hours a day. When I am awake I’m very spacey, delusional, just not in touch with reality,” Weyer told news station WCCO. “I just have no motivation to do anything, very depressed feeling, really frustrated because I don’t know what’s going on.”

The episodes can last from a few days to a few weeks, with her latest lasting five weeks. During these bouts, she will only wake to eat, drink or go to the bathroom.According to the Wyoming resident, she first experienced symptoms of the disorder when she was 18-years-old. Her mom initially suspected her daughter was on drugs.“I’m the typical mom that would make her, force her to get up and she’s very irritable and again the blank stare and I question was she lying to me, was she being lazy, was she taking some kind of drug,” Jean Weyer told WCCO.

The condition, which is often referred to as “Sleeping Beauty Syndrome,” also can make patients irritable or hallucinate. There are only 500 documented cases worldwide, mostly occurring in teenage boys, according to the Kleine Levin Sydrome Foundation.

Talk about hitting the genetic lottery. 500 documented cases of this in the world, and this girl is calling it a disorder? A fucking syndrome? I say we pump the breaks here and avoid including what sounds like a legitimate utopia, with serious inhibiting diseases like down-syndrome or A.L.S. So you can’t go to holidays or family celebrations because you have to sleep. Couldn’t make your own 21st birthday party because you just wanted to curl up and pass out for a few days. Do you know how many collective hours I have spent laying on the couch trying to come up with the perfect excuse 30 minutes before things like my grandmothers 4th 90th birthday party of the year. Here’s a newsflash Delanie. Sleeping is better than all of those things you are “missing out on”. Here’s a little reassurance.

Holidays: You don’t have to get anyone gifts, you don’t have to show up and awkwardly hang out with family you see once a year, but if you do decide to get up because your hungry (apparently getting up to eat drink and shit are are fair game)  you can come downstairs in your pajamas to a Craig Sager-esque applause from your family, eat some food, open some presents, and suddenly feel tired again.

21st Birthday: I understand the novelty, its fun to legally drink and go out and get fucked up with your friends. But look at it this way, if your party was going any good to begin with, remembering it the next morning is slim possibility. Waking up after not having your 21st birthday party, and waking up after blacking out at your 21st birthday party are pretty much the same thing, only there’s no hangover, no puke, and no beer shits. Not missing out on much honey.

Family Celebrations: Like what,  Joey’s communion? Dad’s retirement party? Mom’s 6th month sober? Give me a break. I’m gonna fall asleep in church anyway, let me spare you the embarrassment and I’ll stay in my room and  coup up with 16 pillows and a comforter.

As bullshit as a disorder as this is, I have to give Delanie credit. Its perfect. You can avoid virtually anything you want to do, and replace it with the #1 Hall of Fame, G.O.A.T activity in the world. Oh you need me to help you move? I’m sleeping sorry. Oh Aunt Judy’s funeral is next week? Well I’ll try and make it, but I’ll probably be sleeping. Delanie, I haven’t seen you in two weeks where have you been? Oh I was taking a nap.

So pissed I didn’t come up with this.

 

Harrison Ford owns the sky and the runways, so stop your complaining.

The actor Harrison Ford has emerged unscathed following another mid-air mishap.

Ford, 74, was told to land his single-engine plane on a runway at John Wayne Airport in Orange County, California, on Monday, but he mistakenly landed it on a parallel taxiway, passing over an American Airlines jet holding nearby, NBC reported.

“Was that airliner meant to be underneath me?” Ford is heard asking air traffic controllers in a recording.

American Airlines Flight 1456, with 110 passengers and six crew, departed safely for Dallas a few minutes later.

Ford’s publicist, Ina Treciokas, declined to comment.

Federal Aviation Administration spokesman Ian Gregor couldn’t confirm that Ford was piloting the Aviat Husky that overflew the Boeing 737, but he said the pilot received and had read back the proper landing instructions.

The FAA is investigating, Gregor said.

Oh Boo Hoo, Harrison Ford landed on a taxiway instead of a runway. Are just going to ignore this mans aeronautical accident history, and claim this was an accident? A mishap? A near miss? That’s just criminal.  A quick google search brings up Ford being involved in 3 other plane accidents prior to this, and that’s not including his intergalactic accident history. Guys insurance premiums must make Leland Van Lew look like the Bubble Boy. The FAA has it all wrong investigating this event.  We should be commending the captain of the Millennial Falcon just as much as we praised  Captain Sully. No lives were harmed due to the quick thinking and aerial expertise of a ( possibly stoned) Captain Ford.  The ego of a  freshly tea-bagged commercial jet pilot may be squashed, but hey, I chalk it up to ignorance. At this point the entire aviation community should treat Harrison Ford like the Academy Awards treats Jack Nicholson. We don’t know where he is or if he is going to show up but if he does, clear the way and give the man a front row seat. Make way for the king, or he will land on your front porch.

“Was that airliner meant to be underneath me?”   Has to be up there in black box recording history with “Lets Roll” and “We’re going in the Hudson” You know it sounded just as spacey as when he was feeling no pain on Conan.

 

 

 

 

I found it surprising that Chuck E Cheese even sells beer. I did not find it surprising that parents are abusing the 2 beer maximum.

After multiple reports of violence among adults at Chuck E. Cheese’s over the last few years, it may come as a surprise that the restaurant chain serves alcohol to parents as their kids enjoy the play areas.

 

But an Inside Edition investigation — which will air in full on Friday — found that while children run wild in Chuck E. Cheese’s, some locations didn’t follow its two-drink maximum per customer.

Despite the policy, an Inside Edition producer had no trouble ordering four glasses of wine at a Chuck E. Cheese’s on New York’s Long Island.

 

The next day, Inside Edition’s Chief Investigative Correspondent Lisa Guerrero attended a child’s birthday party at a separate location about 20 miles away, where she was informed of the two-drink policy after ordering a couple of beers.

 

However, a server informed Guerrero that if she provided someone else’s ID, she would be able to order two more drinks with no problem.

 

“So as long as somebody else gives you their ID, then you can still order more?” Guerrero confirmed. “Yes,” the server responded.

 

When she told the manager what happened, Guerrero was directed to the Chuck E. Cheese’s corporate office.

 

So apparently Chuck E Cheese sells beer? I was kind of surprised when I first heard I am not gonna lie. Is it because I grew up in the Kids Kingdom/Sports World circle where wholesome sober family fun was forced down your throat? Or maybe its because single adult who drinks, and guy hanging out at Chuck E Cheese are two circles circles in a venn-diagram that do not intersect. Despite the fact Chuck slings swill came at a bit of a shock,  the fact that it is becoming a problem, and being served excessively is the LEAST bit surprising news of all time.

Have you even seen a Chuck E Cheese fight video? Of course everyone is hammered. I always just assumed their was some serious pre-gaming going on at the house while your daughter is upstairs getting into her princess dress.  You don’t get to that level on orange crush and pepperoni.   A sober man enjoys his awful pizza, maybe takes a selfie with Chuck himself ( #meandchuck #lit), and spends all his tokens trying to stop the moving light on the “Jackpot”slot so he can be the cool uncle and get his nephew an X Box.  A drunk at Chuck E Cheese’s gets on stage shirtless during the sing along, starts a brawl after he gets smoked in Daytona 500, and throws tables across the room when someone cuts him in line to play Area 51. It’s the image that the fine pizza/entertainment venue has cultivated year after year.  Without excessively drunk patrons, how the fuck is Chuck E Cheese supposed to get its brand out there? Word of mouth marketing is the most powerful form of promotion in the world. Have you ever seen a Chuck E Cheese commercial? Billboard? Pop-up? No. You see youtube videos of brawling parents, kids crying, mascots just kind of standing their wondering where their lives went. Incredibly desirable for your 5 year old’s special day.

She was informed of the two-drink policy after ordering a couple of beers.

However, a server informed Guerrero that if she provided someone else’s ID, she would be able to order two more drinks with no problem.

Of course they are working the system to get more than two beers! Have you even been to a kids birthday party. Its depressing as FUCK. You see a bunch of smiling faces running around enjoying the most menial shit in the world. They are yet to be miserable extras running in the rat race towards the mirage that is happiness. That mindset is no longer achievable for a guy like me  and the closest comparable feeling is drunkenly windmilling a ball into the double shot, and if it takes me walking up to strangers asking them to use their I.D. to get a 19th Miller Lite to my lips, you bet your ass I’ll start working the room.